I am writing this blog as an overall. I have not done any blogs since I have started the FMP. I wrote them in word, but not uploaded them. These are the blogs that I started to write, I wanted to include them during this because it is essential that I show that I did try before my ‘hell’ started:
Tuesday 12thMarch:
Today I felt a bit better with the project, I wanted to just try and get into it as I felt this would be better than worrying about potentially nothing. I was creating some analysis for some of students work that do packaging design. I thought by creating a more in depth understanding of how to analyse work. I also found some interesting packaging design campaigns such as how to package eggs. I thought that would be useful because of how many inventive ways that they went around packaging a simple object such as eggs. I thought I could use the same incentive to be able to package makeup, and be able to be a lot more creative in the way I think due to the inspiration. Another campaign I found was the Nutella campaign. This was where they used an athorightm to create millions of different packaging for the Nutella jar. I thought this was a advertising campaign to get people to go out and look and find different designs. I included the comments as there was a lot of positive comments, but a lot of negative comments and therefore creating a discussion about the brand. I found another article about whether brands are taking the packaging process seriously, however I haven’t had time to actually annotate this work and will do it in due course. I found an artist that designs packaging for businesses, and is a freelancer. The name of this artist called Holly McAlister. I thought her work was quite unique and interesting and the work looked amazing professional and therefore I thought I would have a page about her work.
Thursday 14thMarch:
I had my first conversation with my tutor today. I have had to start again. The research I was doing was a bit too broad, and I didn’t really have a subject. My subject is vitiligo, as I have the conditional, and felt that it is really known or spoke about, and therefore I thought I would try and educate about the condition and try and help the people that do have it, perhaps gain a bit of confidence from this. The work I have done so far is staying in my book, but I am just starting from the beginning, going through the NHS pages about vitiligo, drawing how I feel vitiligo is, and creating some sort of educational background for myself, more in-depth that I already know. I don’t have the condition bad, I have it fairly mild, but I thought that even though I am mild, it still affects me especially when I go on holiday abroad because that is when it is very noticeable.
Monday 18thMarch:
I had a massive off day today, in regards to how I was feeling about the project and the course, and therefore I had to take a day off to try and get myself together and try and get my head straight. This was a problem that I encounter as my head wasn’t functioned to be able to do the work and therefore I lost a day in the studio. However, sometimes these days need to be taken to give yourself a rest.
About my Probably Solving Hell:
Two weeks before the Easter 3-week holiday, I was starting to realise that the creative industry was not for me. I felt like it wasn’t what I was destined to do. During my A-Levels I had two strengths, in my business/ICT the more academic subjects, but also my media and photograph. I felt like at the time of applying for the foundation course, my creativeness was my overall strengths, so I followed that route. I started to fall out of love with design, I was struggling, I was really lost in the whole FMP requirements.
I had a long chat with my tutor I have been assigned, and spoke to her about my problems that I was facing before we went on Easter break for two weeks:
- I didn’t want to go into the creative industry anymore.
- I am struggling with having my own brief, and not being passionate about anything in broad as a title.
- I was struggling with having no structure, nothing to follow apart from my own words.
- I felt lost in how to start the project, felt like everything I was doing was wrong, not actually doing the correct route.
- I just don’t know what I was doing.
At the time I spoke to my tutor, I was still in the mind frame to try and complete the work, I felt like the conversation really helped me. This was the advice that I received and I was to do during the time off:
Through the note taking, we were talking about vitiligo and trying to connect different, unusual but interesting points to the topic. My tutor thought it would help with the design process, and my thoughts,
Note Taking:
- The sun – vitamin D, in the sun in when my vitiligo really shows,
- Sun = keeps us alive, warmth, global warming, plants/animals.
- People are happier in the sun – mood vs weather
- Body positivity and confidence = instagrammers = makedasiychains and bodyposipanda
- What is my audience and why? Teens/adults?
- My past experiences
- My thoughts and feelings towards being diagnosed
To Do List:
- Create a page on the mood vs weather
- Create a page on the instagrammers – makedasiychains and bodyposipanda
- Personal experiences, a letter to my 15 year old self from the future
- A before and after comic strip
- Creating content for the Instagram page.
- Collecting different data
- Feelings about being diagnosed now and then
- Find someone with vitiligo and talk to them
It wasn’t until a week into the Easter break that I realise that I just can’t do it. I didn’t do any of the work, not from the list or at all. I know that was a very silly mistake as I am paying for it now. I started to apply for apprenticeships and full-time jobs in insurance and finance. During the half term, I met with employment agencies, and planned interviews. I also worked a lot at my retail job in Matalan. I felt like I preferred actually working in a job, then doing coursework-based work like the FMP. I was in a really difficult position. I had interviews that fell on the days that I was supposed to be at uni, after the break, and I ended up missing 4 sessions, which ended up being two weeks. The interviews, I have had one unsuccessful one, and the other two I haven’t heard back from. The plan was to leave as soon as I get a full-time job, I wanted to leave, I felt miserable. I am extremely worried about coming back as I felt like my head wasn’t in the right frame of mind.
I have returned today, 29thApril, and had a proper in-depth conversation with the overall tutor of the course, and we spoke in detail about how I was feeling, and how to go on from here. I have 2 weeks to try and get my work up to standard, as I have near enough done nothing. That is a challenge in itself. I am extremely far behind. My tutor has really put things into perspective for me, about how to overcome this, has set me set tasks to complete by the end of the week, and to try and support me as much as possible due to being so far behind.
Since being back, I have done some of the to do list that I was set before the Easter break, I have tried to do it. However, I don’t want to focus on the research to much as I am going to end up having no content at all, and I think I would prefer to have more of my work getting done, and showing and proving to myself that I can actually do the work.
I have created my new timetable that I am going to follow to the point, I am going to be working extra on the Wednesdays and Fridays that we aren’t registered to be at uni. I am going to take advantage of every free time that I get, as I have two weeks to try and get my work up to as least a pass standard, and to actually get a qualification out of the year that I have done.
I feel like now, writing this towards the end of the day, I feel happier. I feel a lot more confident, and I am really going to push myself as I actually have been through hell this past month, with my head being all over the place. However, I don’t regret having the thoughts, I am glad I had them, as I have eventually overcome a really difficult situation. I am proud of myself for going through what I have, having time and space to realise what I was going through and then coming back, with a fresh mind and thoughts, and trying to finish what I started. It is hard, but I am going to try my absolute best.
Foundation Art & Design - Sophie Davidson 